Show No Mercy

I've not been to Cleethorpes for a few seasons now - I have to say it's not one of my favourite away trips even though there a couple of middling pubs. I think I just find the place depressing (which is odd since I don't mind visiting Luton - I suppose the trip home is shorter though).

And this season would be no exception as once again I was having a late night out on the Friday to see one of my all-time favourite bands and decide to stay in bed and miss the game against Grimsby.

Now you'd all probably heard of Hawkwind who I went to see a few weeks ago but how many of you have heard of Punishment of Luxury? Few, if any, of you I suspect.

Well let me tell you that they're probably the best band that never made it to the big-time - I know the list of such bands is endless but in this case I'm right!


(left) Punishment of Luxury


Punilux hail from Newcastle and are generally described as a post-punk band. I first saw them at the City Hall in Newcastle as support to Ferryhill's best known export, Penetration, and they blew me away.

Their first single, Puppet Life, is know to most fans of post-punk and their first album, Laughing Academy, was critically acclaimed.

And there's the rub. Their music and gigs were lauded far and wide but they seemed to suffer from a lack of support from label United Artists who spent more of their time and money promoting the Stranglers.

Eventually the band split up in 1983 after various record label issues - plus a little too much of the rock'n'roll lifestyle according to bassist Jimi Giro - and although guitarist Nevilluxury had a version of the band going in London for a few years in 1984 - which neatly coincided with my arrival there - this also petered out after a year or so.

So for the past 20-odd years there's been very little happening - the odd CD release of old demos but that was it. And then they all got back together for bassist Jimi Giro's 50th birthday and before we know it they were making their first appearance in the capital for about 25 years when they played Kilburn's Luminaire in the summer.

And then we get another gig in Camden a few months later - what did we do to deserve this? I met up with three-quarters of the band outside the venue - old chum Neville running late - and joined them for their sound-check which is always fun.

They're a great bunch and are quite surprised at the level of interest that there still is in the band. They were even covered in an article in the Guardian by a fellow fan who shares my memories.

In recent years there's been a huge increase in the number of bands reforming and going on tour - from the likes of Spandau Ballet to little known punk bands. Is it because today's music is so bland or simply a way of re-living our youth? Probably a bit of both but I'm quite happy to see these bands again.

There are a couple of young bands supporting this evening - fresh-faced things starting out in the music biz, quite in contrast to the time-worn figures of Punilux - who more or less matching their fans who've turned up in droves to re-live those far off days.

However the years drop away as the band hit the stage - vocalist Brian Bond theatrically acting out the songs in a style reminiscent of Genesis-era Gabriel (but thankfully without the masks) whilst Jimi and Steve providing the pounding rhythm and Nev the cordantly discordant guitar sound that is their trademark.

(right) Brian Bond - the dungarees still fit

The sound is tight as a drum and they're getting better with each gig - and clearly having fun. I just hope they hang on for a few more years as it's clear we've not had enough yet.

So what has this got to do with Darlo? Very little but if there are many more gigs like this then my loyalty is going to be divided.

Punilux always deliver - not so the Quakers. There only so much punishment I can take you know!

Don't worry - a normal football and pub-based service should be resumed soon...

Covering Old Ground

It was a slow start to the morning-after-the-night-before but I couldn't break the habit of getting up early on a Saturday morning.

And after last night's blitz of beer and curry I thought I'd still be full but I was still game for the hotel cooked breakfast. Surprisingly for a hotel meal it's not up to my usual standard for Saturday morning but hey-ho.

And then when Steve was up and breakfasted, we opt to wander down Polam Lane and check out the current state of Feethams.

Rumours abound that planning permission has been granted for development but I suppose in the current economic climate, any developments are likely to have been put on hold.

(left) We could have done with a defensive tree years ago...

It's certainly all very peaceful down at the old ground - several years of neglect on the site has seen the vegetation take a firm hold with several saplings taking root on the pitch. In fact it's more like a little nature reserve down there thes days. The only changes since my last visit is the graffiti on the Tin Shed.

As we walk into the town centre we notice another recent change to the town landscape - the demolition of the bus station at Feethams - and find it's now a car park. So much for park and ride.

In the market square we spy Lance peering through the windows of the Hole In The Wall but there's still fifteen minutes to opening time. As we chat to Lance, Tony and Ray arrive and we all looking like sad old soaks waiting outside the pub. What would my Mother say?

I nip off and pick up my luggage from the hotel and walk up to the Arts Centre - as I get there Colin "The Bottle" Fletcher is arriving in a taxi.

Readers will not be surprised to hear Colin is fully prepared (panda-popped?) for the festival - the on-line beer list has been perused and the ten beers to be bottled selected and highlighted. The doors open for the afternoon session and off he goes.

(right) Colin gets stuck in once bottling is complete

This session is a more languid affair than the evenings - one by one everyone arrives and we pick up from where we left off the night before.

I'm still searching for a really excellent brew but I just can't find it - despite the wide choice of breweries there's nothing that really, really grabs me. And that's unusual for this festival.

This sort of thing never bothers Neil and he sets about the session with gusto - and before long he's on the beer festival fodder - curry chips for him and cheesy chips for Harry.

(left) Steve eyes up Harry's cheesy delights

I opt for some more of the Monmouth Red Perry but it won't pour. There's still some in the bottom so they unscrew the top off the polypin and pour it out - it's slightly more 'bitty' than last night but still good.

I opt to stay on the fruit-based drinks and move onto the Organic Cider from Carey's - a little stronger at 6.5% but crisp and dry (but without the Esther Ranzten effect).

The good thing about the lunchtime session is that it's generally fairly quiet early on but despite not being on-stage for another hour or so, the members of Copperhead Still insist on tuning up over the PA. Grrrrrrr!

A surprise visitor to our ranks is Michelle, Neil's cousin and fellow Block 11 regular, who soon gets stuck into the dark beers and keeps a close eye on Uncle Harry.

(right) Co-ordinated drinking from John and Michelle

Our taxis are on time and we convoy down to the ground. Despite playing the league leaders today, there is a little bit of optimism in the air, especially since signing an experienced keeper, and I think we're quite looking forward to the game.

It seems that we're in the minority though as we fail by just one person to hit the 2,000 attendance figure.

The game started slowly but it was soon clear that Jamie Devitt, on-loan from Hull City, was a bit of a live-wire down the wing, quite reminiscent of Neil Wainwright in his early days. A shame about the blue boots.

Any optimism we had was banished for good after 15 minutes when Bournemouth took the lead - a shot from the edge of the box that caught Hoult and the rest of the defence a little flat footed. Here we go again.

Darlo slowly improved as the half progressed - the defence started to look more confident with Hoult looking quite calm - but there was no cutting edge to our attacks and despite some spells of possession, Bournemouth soaked it all up.

Windass replaced Dowson for the second half but didn't really offer any more threat up front - both he and Gall had shots that went well wide. The Bournemouth defence was well-organised and kept the Quakers forward line away from goal.

The game was put to bed late in the game when ref Boyeson - who'd come in from the usual stick from Colin - gave what looked to be a soft penalty. But it didn't really matter as we couldn't see where a goal would come from.

Despite the disappointment the signings of Hoult and Devitt look promising - we just need some more effort (and a little bit of luck) up front. Whether that luck comes at Grimsby where we've had quite a lot of luck in recent seasons remains to be seen...

Bring On The Beer

After a couple of days in Northallerton seeing the family, I made the short hop to Darlington and checked into Hotel Bannatyne - or the New Grange as I still prefer to know it - where I hooked up with Steve.

After a quick turnaround, we wander down to Number Twenty-2 where even at 4:30pm the place is busy. This was probably because the beer festival shut at 4pm for a few hours - there looked to be some CAMRA-types at the bar. We were supposed to be meeting Tony and his dad Ray but it seems they'd moved on to the Tapas Bar.

Steve and I started on the Holmfirth IPA from the Summer Wine brewery - not a brewery I'm familiar with - and not surprising it was a very hoppy brew - not bad. I stuck to this whilst Steve tried their Teleporter Stout which was also good.

Tony and Ray joined us - and a little later we were joined by that other father and son duo, Harry and Neil, who'd already been to the Arts Centre only to find it shut. We're also joined by another Neil, a young work colleague of Tony's who'd been persuaded into making his beer festival debut tonight. Poor lad.

We got to the Arts Centre a little after opening time and not surprisingly it was a bit dead but it did allow us the pick of the tables. A quick peruse of the programme suggested that there were quite a few unknown beers to me - which can be a good thing if I find something I like.

I had a quick chat with Ian and Big John on the Darlington Traditional Brew Group Stand as I had some of my Dad's old brewing books.

(left) Getting down to it

As much as I'd love to try and make my own beer, I suspect I've not got the patience so I'm passing them on in case they're of us to someone.

Most people at festivals tend to drink in halves but not Mr Johnson - he dives straight into a pint of Flannel Hammer from Wylam - an imperial stout which at 7% is rather hard going. This experience does not deter him of course.

I try quite a few halves looking for a nice session beer - among the candidates are Captain Cook's Endeavour, Outlaw's Bangtail, Yorkshire Dale's Burnsall Blonde and Redacar's Beach - but nothing really stands out. The best of the beers is the Salopian Maori - a very hoppy brew.

Perusing the cider and perry stall for an alternative I see they have something from Gwynt Y Ddraig, a wonderful Welsh cider and perry maker whose wares I've tried before.

Their Monmouth Red Perry doesn't disappoint, a pale clear perry and at 4.5% very more-ish. So I have more.

(left) Tony and Ray try the keg John Smith's

By the time we get to 9:30pm, we're all starting to get a bit peckish - Tony has arranged the taxis and it's not long before we're in the Spice Garden on Parkgate.

Owner Karim is putting on another of his home cooking evenings for us - no ordering from the menu, just taking what he presents us with - all served up with a bottle of room-temperature Old Peculier. This is how to match food and drink.

The food is lovely - I can't remember all of what we had but one lamb dish was beautiful - but as ever Karim overruns us with the sheer quantity of it all.

Thankfully we have a late addition - John Wilson arrives late after leaving London after work - and he helps us out but we still fail to do justice to it all...

Sinking The Brews

This week sees DAFTS congregate for the latest Rhythm 'n' Brews Beer festival at the Arts Centre in Darlington.

And let's face it, after the underwhelming nature of the recent performances from the Quakers, we're probably going to need fortifying for our home game against AFC Bournemouth.

The festival promises over 50 ales plus ciders and perries - there's always been a very decent selection in the past and as can be seen from the beer list, this will be no exception - and don't forget there's the added "bonus" of some live music.

Opening times are:

Thu 6-11.30pm (£5)
Fri 12-4pm (Free Entry)
Fri 6-11.30pm (£5, £4 to CAMRA members)
Sat 11.30-5pm (Free Entry)
Sat 7-11.30pm (£5, £4 to CAMRA members)

DAFTS will be in attendance on Fri night from opening time until 9:30pm when we'll all be off for a curry. For the early arrivals, we'll be having a few pre-festival openers in Number Twenty-2 from 4:30pm.

We'll also be attending the dinnertime session before the match on Saturday when we'll be doing our very best to block out Copperhead Still as they proceed to murder various well-known tunes from the likes of the Doobie Bros. Bring your own cotton wool...

Next Time We'll Stay In The Pub...

Once again there's no District line service this weekend necessitating a pre-6am departure from home. At least I was more than ready for breakfast at Da Vinci's when I got to King's Cross. Just me in there today - presumably it's all quiet due to the lack of Premiershite matches.

I got into Lincoln about 30 mins before opening time and it's such a lovely sunny day I decide to break with tradition and do a bit of touristy- stuff.

Normally I don't walk far into the nicer part of Lincoln but after coming here for many years, it was high time I had a closer look at the cathedral which dominates the town.

(left) Lincoln Cathedral - big ain't it?

The only problem is that it's a bit of a climb to get to it - I went via the cunningly-named Steep Hill and after 10 mins of puffing and blowing I finally got there. An impressive structure but there seems to be quite a lot of repair work going to various parts of the structure.

From there I had a short wander round the edge of the nearby castle and to a new pub for me, the Victoria, a Batemans outlet on Union Road, which sits just outside the castle ramparts. It had a big sign advertising a beer festival but alas that was the previous week.

Nevertheless, they still had a very reasonable range - Batemans XB and Summer Swallow, Landlord, Everards Sunchaser, Exmoor Gold, Castle Rock Harvest Pale and Black Hole's Red Dwarf.

I had the Summer Swallow which was a little disappointing as I've enjoyed the bottled variety on a number of occasions. The best on offer though was the Red Dwarf - a double SIBA award winner which went down very nicely.

John Bell had joined me by this point having made an impressive time up the hill from the station. It would normally have been a pub to spend all lunchtime in but we'd agreed to meet the others in our usual watering hole, the Golden Eagle.

It was quite a schlep but well worth it as they did have a beer festival on. There were a few DAFTS already in situ - Tony and Ray Waters as well as Chris and Simon. We were later joined by Colin, Brian, Doug Embleton and the Meynell father and son combo.

Beers on offer were Castle Rock Screech Owl, Crouch Vale Best Bitter, Springhead Roaring Meg and Libert, Saltaire Elderflower, Wentworth Oatmeal Stout, Batemans XB and the 9% Double IPA from the Alehouse Brewery.

(right) Tony tells it like it is while John nabs a scratching

I started on the Crouch Vale which was OK but a little dull - I moved onto the Screech Owl, another SIBA award winner which I've had before and was happy to have again. Despite being 5% it is very drinkable, almost sessionable.

I also got a half pint of the Alehouse IPA so we could all have a try - it was quite murky but tasted OK albeit it a little warm - a lot of hops but unfortunately too sweet for most of us.

Final beer for the lunchtime was the ever reliable Wentworth Stout - one of my favourite stouts and one of the few good things to come out of Rotherham - though it was annoying to have it served up in a jug instead of a proper glass.

We made it to the game just in time for kick-off but it wasn't long before we were regretting turning down Brian's suggestion that we stay in the pub - but then it's the same suggestion every weekend and we don't really give it the serious consideration it merits. One day we'll actually do it. On this performance it will be quite soon.

Three minutes gone and we're 1-0 down. And then it's 2-0 after half an hour - just like the opening day at Aldershot when we look like a team that doesn't know each other.

As the first-half mercifully draws to a close, I try and persuade the others to cut short our losses and go to the pub - there appears no way back from this judging by the lack of effort being shown out on the pitch.

To his credit, Colin stays loyal and suggests we stick it out but when the third goal is scored just before the hour is up they all come round to my way of thinking and we leave.

It's not like me to get up and leave early - normally it's only done to catch a train - but it was clear that the players were not interested so why should I?

(left) Brian tries to not look back in anger

We head off to our usual post-match pub - the Treaty of Commerce - and try and persuade the locals that we've left early as we're winning. They're not that daft.

I can't remember what beer I had but it was woeful and I hardly touched it.

I had plans to leave in good time to catch the train to Newark but I get a phone call from Chris - who is actually in the same pub but out of sight - that he's found some rail tickets in the away end and do I know who they belong to?

Yes, I did as I'd only handed them over to Martin Deans before kick-off! So I collect them from Chris and call Martin who was in the ground frantically searching for them (even searching the pitch for some reason!). By the time all this was sorted I'd missed my train to Newark.

Instead I got the next train an hour later in the company of Chris and Simon - we had to walk from Newark Castle station to Newark Northgate but happily for them we pass a supermarket so they could take on beer. More importantly it allowed me to get haddock, chips and scraps from the Appleton Gate fish bar, one of the best chippies on the League 2 circuit.

To add insult to injury the train was running 30 mins late which at least allowed Chris and Simon time to nip back to the chippy - they couldn't resist after seeing mine. Watch and learn from the master, boys!

Finally the train arrives - I leave the other two as I'm in first class today where thankfully it's nice and quiet and I can try and dwell on the good parts of the day...

Showing My (Spirit Of The) Age

Saturday morning, 11:30am. My mobile rings.

"Where are you?" asks John Wilson sitting with a pint in the Quaker House. "Not in Darlo" I reply.

Now I had originally planned to be there and even had (quite expensive) train tickets for the game against Cheltenham but I'd totally forgotten that I would be at an all-day happening the day before and subsequently too knackered to get up to King's Cross for the 7am departure.

An all-day what??

The 4oth Anniversary Hawkwind Happening, that's what. Most folk know they're one of my favourite bands and so this was a must.

In fact I've been a fan of the Hawks since about 1979 - even John had been to see them on the famous Space Ritual tour of 1973 but strangely hadn't been to see them again - and I've been following them ever since.

Following Hawkwind is like following Darlo - the fans are a close-knit community and we all get together for beers and stuff before we go and see them - the fans grow older and often lose their way for a few years - the band like Darlo have been known to have some a bad season - but they always return to the fold.

Hawkwind flirted briefly with the higher echelons of the charts in the 70s with Silver Machine - which seems to be the first thing people say to me when they hear I'm a fan. A bit like "Oh, you had that dodgy chairman, didn't you?" when I mention I'm a Darlo fan.

They've always been a peoples band - supporting all sorts of worthy causes with free performances - and generally not selling out. Today is a back to the beginning event - a slow build-up during the day to the main event of the night.

(left) Mr Hawkwind - Dave Brock

The venue is the Porchester Hall in Notting Hill - where the band first got together - it's quite posh but not too large and the security are very laid back. Apparently the hall we're in is where Monty Python filmed the Mr Creosote sketch from "The Meaning Of Life".


And they'd got some decent cask beer on as well - Molecatcher from Moles Brewery - a decent drop at 5% which went down very nicely. Their Black Rat Cider is also available. A better choice than most venues I've been to.

Like Darlo, the day kicked off at 3pm with the equivalent of a warm-up game - the band supposedly in semi-acoustic mode playing some of the rarely-played numbers from their huge back catalogue such as Green Finned Demon.

This is then followed by a Question & Answer session hosted by TV geezer, Matthew Wright, who is a huge fan and who seems a decent enough bloke.

We then have a set from a group called Tarantism - a folky-dub-ska-protest type band who I've never seen but who are really quite good. They're very popular on the festival circuit and it's easy to see why judging by all the earnest-but-bad dancing going on around me. I would join in but there's my old war wound...

Following this there is a huge game of past the parcel with three large parcels being passed round the audience with keyboardist Tim Blake doing the honours on the keyboard. The MC for the day trying to keep order is Clive, the Doctor from Doctor and The Medics fame (remember their version of Spirit In The Sky?) who have appeared on many a Hawkwind bill. And a good job he's done all day too. I didn't win though.

One of my all-time favourites, Huw Lloyd-Langton, is up next - a guitarist with Hawkwind for many years - and he's performing a variety of old HW and solo material.

(left) Huw and Marion L-L

I've known Huw on and off for years since I used to go and see his solo band playing all over London and he's a smashing fella.

He's a bit frail these days after recent illness but can still hammer out the tunes, assisted ably in the dancing stakes by his lovely wife, Marion.

And then it's time for the main event. A surprise guest to introduce the band - Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson does the honours as he's a big HW fan too and he dedicates the gig to Bob Calvert, former lyricist and singer with the band.

The set was a mixture of old and new - there's always something missing you'd like to hear but I think that everyone would have been happy with the selection on offer tonight. Even Silver Machine got a rare outing.

And then before you know it, it's over and we're out into the cool, west London air. Despite my very best efforts I fall asleep on the tube, miss my stop and wake up in time to get off at Barking. Luckily I catch the last eastbound train home with seconds to spare.

In a spirit of optimism, I set the alarm for 5am but that's just wishful thinking. I do hear the alarm but my body tells me to stay in bed. Thankfully Darlo manage to do without me and pick up the first point of the season. Let's hope there's many more to come...