Washed Out

So the snow has all but vanished and things are slowly returning to normal. Certainly the trains were all OK so it was all system go!

For a change we had young Chris Stockdale with us - still bubbling from his recent engagement - and it wasn't long before the recent Clark Keltie episode was given an airing - Chris is a fan of the simian-faced player whilst Martin and I have always been less than enthused about his abilities.

One thing we do agree on is that it's good news that Alan White has rejoined us as it's imperative that we start to keep clean sheets. Now all we need is a reliable keeper.

Not long into the journey, Martin received a text from the club saying "Pitch inspection 10am".

I don't know why we're surprised as we should know by now that as soon the as the club says it's confident about the game going ahead, we should be worried. A flurry of texts ensued as we pass on the news to others.

By 10:20am we've had no further updates so Chris uses his internet-enabled thingy to check the Uncovered messageboard which is when we find there's another inspection at noon. Martin's alternative plan to get off at York for their game against his local club, Hayes & Yeading, is put on the back burner for the time being.

On arrival at Bank Top, I wait until Steve Duffy's train pulls in a few minutes after us and we wander down to the Quaker House via the covered market.

A wonderful choice of beers awaits us today - Marston Moor's Poona Guard, Grafters' Brewers Troop, Allendale Beacon Fire, Dent Porter, Jarrow's Swinging Gibbett, Yard of Ale Yards Ahead IPA, York Guzzler and Purple Moose's Snowdonia.

I'm followed in by Brian who was hailing me as I walked to the pub but I was in my familiar head-down-get-to-pub mode and totally oblivious to him.

First beer of the day was the Snowdonia which is a lovely quaffing pale ale - just 3.6% but full of flavour.

This proves to be the most popular beer of the day as we're joined by Tony and the Two Johns (Bell and Wilson) and they take to it like fish to water.

(left) A pensive Mr W

A text from Liz - Rotherham's game at Accrington had been called off and so the London Millers were going to be spending the day trying out various pubs in Preston instead. Nice.

We were still eagerly awaiting further news on our pitch inspection and it took a bit of time to get through to us. We were a little disappointed it was off - mainly as we wanted to see the new signings in action - but staying in the pub was hardly going to be onerous. Martin called to say he was on his way to York.

Next beer for me was the Yard of Ale IPA - very similar to the Snowdonia - and then it was onto the Dent Porter which was dark, full-bodied with a slight coffee-ness to it.

Highlight of the session in the Quaker was Steve's very impressive and impassioned rant on Nick Knowles, BBC's perma-tanned TV presenter.

Steve - like Liz and I - are continually amazed that he seems to be on every crap daytime show going - clearly he knows where the bodies are buried - how else does he get a job? It was as good as a work-out for Steve. A shame we didn't record it for posterity.

After a few more pints, John and I moved along to Number Twenty-2 where I meet my Northallerton chums, Richard and Diane, who were escaping the kids for a day or so and spending a romantic evening in Hotel Bannatyne.

(right) Richard and Diane get a big hug from a hairy man

Some good beers are on here too - most notably the Geordie Pride from Mordue and the
Black Dub stout from Wensleydale Brewery which was exactly as I like it - dry and full-bodied (not unlike me, dear reader).

It was a very pleasant afternoon - John Bell left early-ish as he was remembered what state he was in after the last postponement turned into an elongated session - he badly needs to earn some brownie points for future games.

Steve, John W and I weren't too far behind though and we supped up and headed off into the night. On the way to the station Steve went for a pizza whilst John and I popped into what was the Victoria Fish Bar - now revamped for all sorts of fried and baked snacks - but they still do curry and chips so that did me.

Hopefully we'll not have the same problem next week at Crewe - a ground I've not visited for many years - and we'll finally get to see our latest line-up...

Shiver Me Timbers

And so another weekend without our regulation quota of trains, pubs and football. Obviously not a surprise given that there had been no let-up with the wintry conditions and so it was almost a complete white-out across the country with a handful of games actually going ahead.

Since the match was called off on the Thursday, this gave me plenty of time to come up with some alternative plans for the Saturday. Thankfully Chris T was more than willing to throw in his lot and join me.

And since he'd had ventured over to my side of town for a crawl before Xmas, it was now my turn to head to south London for the start of our little wander.

I arrived at Elephant & Castle tube and finally found the Walworth Road through the maze of underpasses - not a particularly salubrious stretch of road but it wasn't long before I found our rendezvous point, Arments Pie, Mash & Eel shop.

Arments have been plying their trade around here since the First World War but the premises at Westmoreland Road are relatively modern and probably the largest I've seen for a pie and mash shop.

(left) Luvly Jubbly!!

Unusually they offer a steak and kidney pie in addition to the standard issue and it's not too bad - quite a decent bit of kidney and quite flavoursome. The mash is OK - a few too many eyes in it for me which for some reason reminds me of school mashed potato - whilst the liquor is positively glowing (reminding me of Percy's purest green).

Following this we meandered towards Camberwell taking a slight deviation via the very impressive Addington Square - just about 100 yards from Walworth Road but seemingly from a different time - impressive regency-type houses with a central communal garden - very grand.

From here we went through slightly grimmer housing estates until we reached the first pub of the day - the Hermit's Cave - which is on of the corner of Grove Road on Camberwell Church Road.

It's quite a small-ish pub with a couple of tight bars, one of which seems to be set up for TV viewing rather than anything else and another with more comfy seating. It's a bit dark inside and rather quiet for a Staurday lunchtime but I suppose it is still quite early.

There's a decent selection of beers with three from Brodies (Mild, Red and IPA) plus Gravesend Shrimpers Bitter from Loddon Brewery. There were also two ciders on tap.

(right) The Hermits Cave

I tried a pint of Shrimpers Bitter whilst Chris had the IPA - both were OK but nothing special so we moved on.

We walked along Camberwell Grove which is also in marked contrast to the Walworth Road - very large and elegant houses - and as Chris commented, some wouldn't look out of place on a well-to-do seafront.

We popped into what was the Grove pub and is now in the final stages of being revamped as the Grand Union. Three handpumps for Youngs Ordinary and Well's Bombardier on the bar but no beer available from any of them.

We continued on and headed to Hooper's Bar and weren't totally surprised to find we were the first customers of the day. Two beers on offer - Adnam's Yuletide and Keltek Arthur's Ale. There was a third pump with Moorhouse's Pendle Witches Brew but this appeared to be off.

The Keltek is a new brewery to us - the pump clip was a rough and ready homemade affair which offered no clues but subsequent googling shows the brewery to be based down in Redruth - and the Arthur's Ale was quite tasty given it was only 3.5% but it didn't warrant a second pint.

It was also nice to see they use oversize glasses here too - I hadn't noticed this on previous visits. And no sign of our chum, landlord Jamie, as he's sunning it up in the Caribbean.

We'd originally intended to move onto the nearby Gowlett but after a flurry of texts with some other London Millers, we decided on a change of plan that saw us go to Herne Hill instead.

On the way there we popped into the latest branch of William Rose on East Dulwich Road - a butcher with a fine array of game birds as well as some enticing sausages and pork pies - and enticed we certainly were.

From here it was a bus ride to Herne Hill and the Florence pub. I'd been meaning to come here for a few years following good reports. On the slopes of Brockwell Park opposite there were lots of families out sledging as the snow started to come down quite thickly.

Inside the pub, we were warmly welcomed by the manager who sensed we were on a crawl - not quite sure what radar he has but it was spot on.

It's a big airy pub which seems heavily focussed to food with few people at the bar. We tried a pint of their own brew, Weasel, which was quite hoppy but a bit flat. Probably not surprising as it turned out to be the last of the barrel.

They also brew a wheat beer, Beaver, but this unfortunately wasn't on tap but our friendly manager managed to get us a small sample. Quite nice too with spicing more akin to Hoegaarden than Schneider Weisse but enjoyable all the same.

The manager said they were thinking about brewing a mild as well - they'd then have to try and come up with some ploy to market it to the younger crowd they serve so that it won't simply be regarded as an old man's drink.

I had a pint of Adnams Old before we left - very more-ish but served a tad too cold for my liking. Chris went for a bottle of the Coopers Sparkling, rolled before poring to disturb the sediment as is traditional with our antipodean cousins.

From the pub it's a very short walk to Herne Hill station where we catch the train to Beckenham and then take the tram to Addiscombe.

It is here that you find Clarets Free House which is the oft-visited pub for those three gentlemen of South Norwood - Chris, Andy and Paul. It is my first visit so I was keen to see what the fuss was all about.

(left) London Millers found here - beware...

A large-ish one room bar - quite gloomy and populated by what is probably fair to describe as an older clientele. Few pretty young things in here but sometimes that doesn't matter.

There was a great range of beers - apparently there is always a Palmers beer on sale (and it is Palmer's biggest selling outlet in London and has the certificate to prove it) but their beers don't do it for me.

I opted for an opening pint of Celtica from the Great Orme Brewery - a golden ale, quite light but nothing challenging.

There were also a few beers from the Westerham brewery - we were all on their William Wilberforce Freedom at some point which was another golden ale with a nice dash of hops - a Fairtrade beer originally brewed to celebrate the abolition of slavery.

Paul was in residence when we arrived and Andy arrived shortly afterwards - the chat was the usual male stuff and varied from how much we all spend on our weekly shop, which Sainsburys is best around that neck of the woods and do borlotti beans belong in a stew. Heady stuff.

The best beer of the day for me was the last one - the Sussex Stout from the Dark Star brewery which I almost overlooked as the pump clip looked like an old-fashioned Guinness clip. Dark Star is one of those breweries from which I've never had a poor beer and this pint wasn't about to start a trend - a nice full-bodied dry stout without any overwhelming bitterness. A perfect final beer.

Paul started the exodus as there was a stew with his name on it back at home - with borlotti beans - and it's then that hunger got the better of the rest of us.

I had the longest traipse back to east London where I popped into my local kebabish where I had a very interesting chat about brain and lambs foot curries.

It seems they no longer make a brain curry but they do still have the lambs foot curry - check out the recipe here - I have to admit I chickened out and went for boring old tikka instead. Maybe next time when I've had more Dutch courage...

Happy New Year?

And so we say reach 2010 with news that our fourth game in a row has been postponed due to the inclement weather.

At least we can be thankful the club had arranged for an inspection 24 hours earlier than usual which means that Martin and I have been spared starting our journey north. Well done DFC and the Football League - it's not often I get to say that!

It remains to be seen whether all these postponements will give Steve Staunton the time to bring in a few new faces for our trip to Bury next week - assuming the weather improves by then of course!

In order to keep you entertained during this period of inactivity, for your delight and delectation I'm presenting a section from On The Road, a programme produced by ITV Digital as part of their offering when they had the franchise to cover football (and after they'd renamed themselves from On Digital).

This programme was all about travelling to different grounds and in the episode that this is taken from, the presenters were also visiting the likes of Scunthorpe, Hull and Grimsby. How very grim. I dare say they were quite pleased to get to Darlo after that lot.

Neil, Tony, Steve and I were filmed in the market square outlining how to get to the ground, where the good pubs are and what DAFTS are all about.

There's also an interview with Doug Embleton (representing the embryonic Supporters' Trust) and Peter Thorns (then secretary of the Supporters' Club) as they're asked for their views on our forthcoming move to the Arena. There's also a few vox pops and of course, a few words (and more) from George Reynolds.

I suspect that few of you will have seen this as I suspect Liz and I were one of the very few to subscribe to On Digital. Enjoy...

Cobblers Frozen Off

The Saturday before Christmas is not generally one of the better times to be travelling as it tends to be the day a lot of people go home for the break but King's Cross was very quiet considering.

Meanwhile, just over the road at St Pancras it was all tears and disappointment as all the Eurostar services had been cancelled and the place was packed with disgruntled travellers.

Despite the wintry weather conditions affecting the chunnel and the rest of the country, the trains on the east coast all looked to be running on time. Martin and I joined John and Bev in coach G.

They'd come armed with bags of cards and stamps as they attempted to make good use of their time on-board. It was interesting to see just how fractious such an innocent past-time could become. The Transport Police were put on standby...

Of course we were well aware of the 9am inspection for today's game and we'd not long pulled out of Peterborough station when Chris rang through with the news we'd been expecting - the game was off.

Unfortunately for Martin this meant waiting until we reached Doncaster before he could get off and get a train back south, hopefully without incurring further expense.

Liz rang - Rotherham's home game had also bitten the dust following a pitch inspection but since the London Millers leave London relatively late, they'd not even reached Stevenage and so were all returning back to London without a great deal of inconvenience.

I was happy to continue northwards safe in the knowledge that there'd be a few DAFTS in Darlo happy to go drinking instead. Given the recent run of results and the injuries we have, it would be nice to know we weren't going to lose this weekend.

On arrival at Bank Top I left John and Bev and headed straight into town - a quick stop for pies in the covered market and then over to the QuakerHouse.

Now as far as some of we brave casketeers (© Viz) are concerned, the problem with this time of year is the huge number of Christmas ales that are produced, all with a regulation humorous name and jolly pump clip.

And it's all a bit of a lottery as to what sort of pint you're going to get - will it taste of Christmas pud, all fruity and rich - which is not my idea of beer - or be a cinnamon bomb that more resembles a joss stick?

(left) Neil's festive egg and twiglet combo

I generally avoid them but today in the Quaker it seemed everything but the stout (Black As Owt from Ferryhill's Yard of Ale brewery) was a festive-themed ale.

We had Jingle Fells (Hawkshead), Three Kings (York), Rudolph's Ruin (Springhead) and Winter's Yard (Yard of Ale) and Christmas Carol (forgotten the brewery) . To be fair I tried the Three Kings and it was OK. The Rudolph's Ruin was more or less an ordinary beer in the usual Springhead style.

It wasn't long before I was joined by Tony and Brian - and then Neil came in after he'd finished Harry's Xmas shopping. And then finally John and Bev completed today's little group of Darlo-ness having posted their cards.

We had a good try of most of the beers - at one point Milton Dioynosus was put on which is a very quaffable beer from Cambridgeshire.

Neil then went for a pickled egg and with the addition of two twiglets produced a festive reindeer-shaped snack. He's been in Norway too long...

Next stop was Number Twenty-2 which was busy with festive shoppers. It was good to see that they had Westoe's IPA from the Jarrow brewery - an excellent beer like most of their stable, nice and hoppy - the beer of the day for me.

(left) Please, can I have some more?

Tony then got us all some stout for the next round - there is always a decent stout in No 22 and today it was Goose Eye's Over and Stout.

Unfortunately we found it to be disappointing - not the type of stout we normally like and in the end I didn't finish it and went straight back onto the IPA.

And then the final port of call was up to the Brittania - I only ever seem to come here when games have been postponed which is a shame but I'm just too lazy to do three pubs pre-match under normal circumstances

(left) Neil with yet another snack

I only had time for a pint and then I had to get back to Bank Top for my train home.

On walking through the market square to the station, large heavy snowflakes were starting to fall - a good time to get out of town...

E Numbers

I'd made the decision to not travel to Torquay more or less at the start of the season - a lot of my fellow fans like this trip for an away weekend but personally I don't think the pubs there warrant the travelling.

So instead I'm hooking up with my London Miller chum, Chris, to try out a few pubs in sunny east London.

The first point of call for the day is the King William IV in Leyton - a pub Steve Duffy and I tried out a few years ago before a midweek game against Orient.

(left) King William IV

In those days it was OK but nothing special.

These days though it's a high profile pub in the area as it's home to Brodie's Beers which is run by Jamie and Lizzie, the brother and sister brewing team that operate from the old Sweet William brewery at the rear of the pub (which coincidentally was run by John Wilson's chum Eddie).

It's a big old pub, quite dark inside with two big rooms - the rear having an enormous buffalo head on the wall (as you do).

There was a pretty impressive array of pumps on display, all serving a myriad of Brodie's beers along with a cider and perry on hand pump.

Also impressive is the cost of a pint - £1.99 for all their own beers which includes the Romanov Empress stout, a 12% monster of a beer. Perfect prices for these recessionary times (but don't tell the prohibitionist lobby).

The TVs in the front room are turned on for the Sky match - which turns out to be the less-than-exciting Stoke -v- Wigan - and it's noticeable that a few of the regulars slip away to the back room to escape it.

The beers we try are all on excellent form - English Best, Sunshine, Orient, IPA and Special - much as you'd expect given they've not had that far to travel.

Once the Sky game is over, we depart and wander along the High Road, across the Lea Bridge Road and head up towards Walthamstow village.

The village is a little area of tranquility and poshness in E17 and it's quite spooky. We're heading to the Nags Head but it turns out we taken a wrong turn.

Luckily for us this means that we come across the East London Sausage Company and we wander in to peruse their range of home-made sausages. Quite a large choice on offer - I go for the 1920's recipe bangers which look nice and plump.

They also put us right in our search and before too long we're arrived at the Nags Head.

(right) Children - know your place!

What strikes me on arrival is the number of signs geared towards parents, all telling them what to do with their children and their buggies.

A subsequent perusal of the pub's BITE entry suggests this isn't the most child-friendly pub - clearly they've had their fill of yummy mummies (and daddies) - and the little darlings are not allowed in the pub, only outside in the heated garden.

On entering the pub, it's apparent that they're expecting a big group - rows of champagne glasses all waiting to be filled up. It turns out a wedding party is expected to drop in for a few drinks.

The Nags Head is totally different place to the more earthy King William - light-coloured wooden walls, comfy chairs, posters advertising in-house activities such as life-drawing and Egyptian dancing.

(left) Nags Head, Walthamstow Village

I'd like to think this latter class resembles Wilson, Keppel and Betty at their finest but somehow I doubt it.

There's a respectable range of beers on offer - Taylors Landlord; St Austell Tribute; Nethergate Suffolk Bitter; Mighty Oak's Oscar Wilde and Maldon Gold and their house beer, Itinerant.

This last beer turns out to be produced by Nethergate and is brewed for the pub to celebrate the late pub cat, Tetley. In fact the pub recently had a feline-themed beer festival. They like cats and won't have kids in the bar - this should be my sort of pub.

As we settle into our pints, the expected wedding party arrives and the pub goes from a quiet, library-like calm to a chatty maelstrom of air-kissing and how-do-you-dos. We hang around to watch it all and have another pint - some of the other regulars find it all a bit much though and depart.

However there's only so much jollity and such like that we can take and we decide to wander back down Orford Road to the Village.

On offer were three from Adnams - Bitter, Broadside and Explorer - and GK IPA. Not very inspiring.

Chris and I both opt for the Explorer and settle down to watch the football scores come in. The beer is not up to much - it has minimal condition and looks extremely flat and listless - and frankly it's a struggle to drink.

Even more disappointing is the latest score from Plainmoor - Torquay 5, Darlington 0! Oh dear oh dear. Happier news though for Chris as the Millers have won with a couple of late goals at Valley Parade.

We decide that the beer isn't worth bothering with and leave it. We wander back to Lea Bridge Road where we pick up the 69 bus which takes us to Leyton tube. From here we travel a couple of stops to Mile End.

I drag Chris through the streets of Bow until we reach Roman Road market - unfortunately Kelly's pie and mash shop is shut so we head straight to the Eleanor Arms.

As well as the usual Shepherd Neame choices, there is a Sheps Xmas ale and the guest beer is Old Hooky so I settle for that. Very nice.

Landlord Frankie eventually shows his face - I last saw him rather worse for wear at the end of the Pig's Ear festival a couple of weeks ago.

Whilst we have a few further pints (bottles of Otley's O-Garden for me), a few musicians wander up and perform a few tunes - not many people in to appreciate them though. We're right in the firing line and whilst it's not really our cup of tea, we applaud politely before calling it a day and heading home.

The sausages were eaten the very next day and were absolutely fabulous. I'll be going back for more...

Oh No It Isn't!!

For the second time in two days I was in Darlo though today promised a higher level of entertainment as I took my sister and nieces to see Aladdin at the Civic Theatre.

Before that, the girls went shopping which left me enough time for a quick stiffener at the Quakerhouse where the staff were busy putting up Christmas decorations.

I had a pint of Wenleydale Brewery's Sheep Rustler which was a nut brown ale - something which you don't see too often but it was very smooth and silky.

Just as I was supping up a new beer was put on, the wonderfully titled Cyril The Magnificent from High House Farm brewery. Judging from the label this was a dunkel weisse and Cyril is a cat.

But as we know we shouldn't judge by labels as the beer was far from dunkel - in fact it was a fairly straight-forward impression of a weisse beer and not at all dark. Soft and smooth but not wheaty enough for my tastes.

And so onto the panto - my first proper panto ever and it has to be said I only really want to see this one as the Grumbleweeds are appearing.

The Grumbleweeds are in many respects a relic of the 70s - a comedy troupe from the club circuit doing impressions and telling dodgy jokes - and northern too of course - but we used to love their radio shows which ran from 1979 to 1988 on Radio 2 and characters such as Uncle nasty and Wilf 'Gasmask' Grimshaw. Believe me, it was funny - honest.

Appearing with them was Chico who more represents the modern-day breed of panto artiste - which tend to be soap 'stars' or the winner/runner-up of some modern-day reality show - at least he should keep the ladies happy.

Should we ever have cause to go back to Kenilworth Road and I complain about the seats, just say "Civic Theatre". There's hardly any legroom and I'm almost bent double and you all know that I'm not the world's tallest person. I'm sure Justice Taylor wouldn't be impressed.

It's only the third full performance of the show and the occasional line is fluffed or forgotten but my youngest niece loves it all the same.

Then following one song and dance scene, Widow Twanky comments that she's not enjoyed herself so much "since Darlington last won at home".

And there we have it - Darlo are once again music-hall material just like the old days...

It's Panto Season...

As I was up on my annual pre-Christmas trip to see the family in Northallerton, I was able to have a lie-in and still be in Darlo by 9:30am. This early start was to allow Tony the chance to take me somewhere for breakfast.

We settled on the cafe which sits above the covered market and overlooks High Row. The full breakfast was excellent - good to have a bit of fried bread for a change - and it was nice to eat whilst watching everyone rushing around doing their Christmas shopping.

Once fueled, we have a leisurely stroll around town and pop along to get some pies for Howard and Martin who were travelling up from King's Cross.

And then having exhausted shops to wander in as we try to waste time, we get to the Quakerhouse about 10:55am - they're open and they let us in.

For once we beat regulars George and Gwyn to the bar although a Bradford ticker did actually get in the beers in first - very rude but he looked a bit of a ticker and generally their human-skills tend to be a bit lacking.

The beers on parade were as follows: Coach House - Dick Turpin and Coachmans; Rudgate - Good, Better and Best; Hadrian & Border - Tyneside Brown; Vale - Winter Solstice; Marston Moor Brewery - Cock Caper and Winters Tail; Hambleton - Stallion; Woods - Quaff and finally York - Nippy Nights. I'm sure the ticker was impressed.

We'd just got our first beers when John Bell joined us - a change of routine as he normally meets us after he's been to the Brit.

(left) John and Tony audition for the Sound of Music

And then the Sheffield contingent arrived - Brian and Trevor are joined by their mate, Richard, who is a Monkeyhanger. Despite this aberration he was made welcome.

This being December, it seems a collective decision was made to don Xmas headware - in this case the black and white "Bah Humbug" hats. Unfortunately due to the size of my brain box, none of these would fit me.

John Wilson pops in whilst wife Bev is busy shopping - there can't be many football-supporting couples that top and tail the divisions with Bev's Chelsea-mob riding high and the Quakers holding up the rest of the teams.

After trying a good few beers, John and I wander up to Twenty-2 where we bump into Durham Tony. I get chatting to one of the regulars that I've got to know in there over the years - Colin - who has just recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's. He's taking a very positive attitude and making sure he comes out to the pub as he's always done.

The rest of the gang then catch up with us and we nab a nice seat in the front window. There's a lovely stout on today from Marston Moor and it's going down very nicely.

At 2:30pm we pile into our taxis - we have a novice driver who takes us the long way round and by the time we get to the ground the others have overtaken us.

I wander into the club shop as I've heard they've finally got some decent clobber in but the shelves are almost bare. There is a nice managers-style coat - only £35 - but it has a loose thread and there are no others in my size.

(right) A Happy Bah Humbug to all our readers

Up in the stands the East Stand is looking very empty and forlorn - thankfully Bradford have brought a few fans and so we should exceed the 2,000 mark.

As reported in the press, there's no Foster on duty due - although he's on the bench - but there's no sign of Miller either which leaves a relatively inexperienced (for us) pairing in central defence.

The team come out to a muted welcome - it's as if nobody is really looking forward to this game - it's clear that Brian isn't as he is soon asleep, safe in the land of the nod.

Meanwhile the rest of us have to watch the game and for the main, we struggle to retain possession against a busy Bradford outfit that can sense nervous prey.

We're 1-0 down after about 20 minutes - a corner is taken and Liversedge looks as if he's coming to collect then scrambles back when it's clear he can't reach it. The ball is volleyed in from about 12 yards - the defence look at each other and the keeper shouts at them though I feel he could have done better.

(left) Brian tunes out...

We struggle for the remainder of the half - it's not pretty and to be fair, we do well to be only one down at the break. There's been a lot of talk about players being played out of position but it's difficult to keep track as our 40th player of the season makes his debut today.

As the whistle blows, the Sheffield mob take a leaf out of my book and wander off to the pub. Tony is tempted to join them but stays.

The second half is a much improved from Darlo's perspective - the anonymous and apparently uninterested Diop is replaced by Collins and then Main and Convery are sent on to try and find a way through.

It's not long before Tony weakens and leaves to join the Sheffield mob but it has to be said that the second half is an improvement - it would be difficult to be otherwise - but we never really look like scoring against a fairly solid Bradford back four with Darlo old boy Clarke sporting a bandage.

The game meanders to a close and as the referee blows, I rush off to catch the shuttle bus back into town. On board there is much grumbling from long-time fans - "the worst side we've ever seen", "the club are not listening", "we're doomed" - it's not nice to hear this but who can really blame the fans?

Back in town, I pop in for a quickie in the Quakerhouse - spookily quiet - and then pop back to Number Twenty-2 where John and Bev are waiting. There's no more stout so I make do with Burton Ale - something I've not drunk for years - and then Burtonwood Top Hat.

It's nice and warm in here and I could stay all night but I resist and head back to Northallerton and the curry house. Not up to East End standards of course but any port in a storm...